I Am Who I Am...

I grew up on a gravel road in the middle of this country. I had a corn field or bean field behind my yard. (I know about rotating crops.) I know what it means to “go to town.” I also know the meaning of a friendly neighbor. I know that borrowing an egg or a cup of sugar did not die with my grandparents’ generation. I knew my neighbors: Mailboxes and front yards were as much a part of social hour as barstools were “in town.”

I graduated high school in a class of less than 100 people. I attended preschool with most of them. I attended school in a town where school events are the heart-and-soul of the town. I played on sports teams that were successful, even state champions. I also played musical instruments for a successful music program, state champions as well. I know what it is like to walk down a Smalltown sidewalk and have no anonymity. I also know the social isolation of not being invited to The Party of the weekend. I know what it is like to be one of only a few “first generation” kids to be living in Smalltown.

I know what it is like to go to University and expect the Smalltown hero to prevail, but Smalltown heroes lose their power when they are no longer in Smalltown. I know what it is like to earn top grades. I also know what it feels like to struggle to make average grades. I know the frustration of trying my hardest yet still falling short. I know what it feels like to be one among many. I know what it is like to have many talents, yet have them fall to mediocrity under the greater talents of others. I know what it is like when all that I have is just ‘good enough.’

I am on a journey. I have visited 41 states and 8 other countries. I seek to understand the human race. I am my mother’s daughter, but I am a Daddy’s girl. I have a young heart, but an old soul. I know that I am only one, but I am one who can make a difference to another one. Although I have some understanding of the needs of the world, there is no way to grasp the full demands of those needs. I know what it is like to feel the pain of hunger, yet I know where to turn for food. I know what it is like to face the cold, yet I know where to turn for warmth. I know what it is like to feel alone, yet I know where to turn for fellowship. I have had my spirit broken, but have not lost my soul. I have lived among the impoverished, but only as a visitor. I have missed a meal, but it was by choice.

I know what it is like to stand on the brink of the unknown, fully confident in the lessons learned and ready to face all the unknowns that lie ahead. I know what it is like to spread my wings, ready to make that great journey into the unknown, only to step off the ledge and realize I never learned to fly. Now knowing how to fly, I have learned there is a difference between flying and soaring, and I long to soar. I married my soul mate, even though I met him 5 years earlier than I had planned. I am smart enough to know that God’s plan is better than my plan. I seek to understand that plan and stay true to the course. I am a child with so much more to learn.